"It was difficult to tell if it was a he or a she--that is usually your first question, is it not?-- But I would go with male because of the nose. It was strong, firm and prominent. Just as a nose should be. For a person of consequence that is. And I don't mean money or power but consequence of, what could you say-- being. It's true it was just a glimpse from behind one of those silk Chinese screens but that was all I needed. Observationary, that's me. One of the best. I can pick a ripe cantaloupe from sight alone, just like I can spot someone who matters from a shadow of a profile. Never need to even feel them for soft spots, I don't."
"Please, 'mam, although it is indeed a rare talent in the so incomprehensible sphere of deceitful and disguised rotten fruits, could you please return to the subject at hand?"
"No need to get testy young man. I was pickin' those "incomprehensible" cantaloupes before you were born! Anyway, back to that stark profile from behind the screen. It must have been a man, but then again, some women do wear their hair short like this one's was, kinda cropped like a mushroom you know. I think they actually called it a mushroom cut once...And the frame was rather slight. Reminded me of one of the string beans that struck my eye so strategically earlier this week. There it was, slight and long, full of slightly bulging beans and greener than a hill in Ireland in spring it was! And boy did it want to be picked."
"Ehem, is it going to be vegetables now, then?"
"Well if you want an accurate description then yes, indeed it is! These things take time and when you're lucky, an experienced eye to get to the truth! You know, now that the string bean came to mind, I would say that wiry is the best word to describe the build. Wiry and oily. Oily like that top layer that congeals on the top of peanut butter, he was. And no need to comment on the change to sandwich spreads! If you want to know, then you're gonna have to listen. And in order to get the best description you'll have to take it as I like to tell it."
"Yes 'mam. So we've discerned that the silhouette that you saw from behind a Chinese screen was somehow like a wiry, oily, string bean, cantaloupe with a mushroom on its head? No?"
"No, you idiot! I can spot em like a ripe cantaloupe! Don't you dare put in your write up or whatever it is that he was anything like a cantaloupe. Because he, or she for that matter, wasn't."
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